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My Favorite Accident
16 November 2009 @ 08:00 am
16 November 2009 @ 12:00 am
(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can...
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)
--Washington Square Village
Overheard by: zgoldberg
16 November 2009 @ 12:41 am
Hello, TMIers.
For a bit of backstory, I suffer from chronic constipation. Needless to say, my bowels pretty much rule my life, along with a multitude of other issues. I've had this problem since I was born and it's only gotten worse the older I've gotten. Typically, I go to the bathroom once every two weeks, sometimes every three if I'm having a particularly stressful period in my life. So far, the only thing that's really been helpful in terms of easing my issues is taking over 60% of my daily fibre intake via pills that taste like ass + fifty billion gallons of water. Unfortunately, I've gotten so used to not being bothered with having to take a few extra minutes out of my day to tend to my bowels that I just stop taking the fibre since I really just can't be assed.
Needless to say, I am quite familiar with the feeling of having your asshole stretched open, anal fissures, and laxatives.
Anyhoo, onto the actual story.
( Cut for length. )
For a bit of backstory, I suffer from chronic constipation. Needless to say, my bowels pretty much rule my life, along with a multitude of other issues. I've had this problem since I was born and it's only gotten worse the older I've gotten. Typically, I go to the bathroom once every two weeks, sometimes every three if I'm having a particularly stressful period in my life. So far, the only thing that's really been helpful in terms of easing my issues is taking over 60% of my daily fibre intake via pills that taste like ass + fifty billion gallons of water. Unfortunately, I've gotten so used to not being bothered with having to take a few extra minutes out of my day to tend to my bowels that I just stop taking the fibre since I really just can't be assed.
Needless to say, I am quite familiar with the feeling of having your asshole stretched open, anal fissures, and laxatives.
Anyhoo, onto the actual story.
( Cut for length. )
Current Mood: 
lethargic
lethargicCurrent Music: And One - Panzer Mensch
15 November 2009 @ 10:31 pm
I had a baby 3 months ago and ever since sex was okay'd by the doc we've had problems with getting him in. I dunno if the doc stitched me up too much or what but I'm tellin you this is worse now than when he first took my virginity a lil over a year ago. Is there ANYTHING we can do to speed this process along?
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
14 November 2009 @ 03:07 pm
Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. I consider our relationship, sex and otherwise, to be really happy and healthy.
I know that my boyfriend looks at porn, although not frequently. While I used to feel insecure about this, I've come a really long way and it doesn't bother me now. However, I've noticed once or twice that when I log onto my computer (which he uses every once in a while since he doesn't have his own) and hit the drop down box to go to a website I visit frequently (online banking or Amazon or whatever) the history has been cleared. It doesn't happen every time he uses the computer.
Today, noticing my history had been cleared, I hit the drop down bar for Google searches and found three different searches for very general porn - nothing specific and really nothing to bother me. However, I feel sad about the fact that he feels he has to clear the history after watching porn. He'll be here again in a few hours and I know I should say something, but I'm not quite sure what.
Obviously, I'm not going to fly off the handle and be upset about it; I don't want him to feel like he has to hide these things from me. I want to express that although it isn't my favorite thing ever, I'm not going to be mad at him for watching porn. I also want to express that it makes me feel...sad? hurt? that he is secretive about it.
Ideas? Thanks :]
My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years. I consider our relationship, sex and otherwise, to be really happy and healthy.
I know that my boyfriend looks at porn, although not frequently. While I used to feel insecure about this, I've come a really long way and it doesn't bother me now. However, I've noticed once or twice that when I log onto my computer (which he uses every once in a while since he doesn't have his own) and hit the drop down box to go to a website I visit frequently (online banking or Amazon or whatever) the history has been cleared. It doesn't happen every time he uses the computer.
Today, noticing my history had been cleared, I hit the drop down bar for Google searches and found three different searches for very general porn - nothing specific and really nothing to bother me. However, I feel sad about the fact that he feels he has to clear the history after watching porn. He'll be here again in a few hours and I know I should say something, but I'm not quite sure what.
Obviously, I'm not going to fly off the handle and be upset about it; I don't want him to feel like he has to hide these things from me. I want to express that although it isn't my favorite thing ever, I'm not going to be mad at him for watching porn. I also want to express that it makes me feel...sad? hurt? that he is secretive about it.
Ideas? Thanks :]
15 November 2009 @ 06:40 pm
out of curiousity, how many ladies here have been insulted and or threatened by a guy because you had sex with him once, possibly twice, and then never again? Ive been accused lately of being an alcoholic and having my p.o. Called to tell on my past drug abuse and self harm, what a p.o. Would care about the self harm, im not sure, lol. I used to be somewhat fairly sexually active but have cut down a lot this year for varying reasons, but having guys out right insult me over it was a little hard to take at the time, but now i find it amusing since i currently have a real boyfriend again :) just wondered people's opinions on actually being mildly threatened over not wanting to have sex with that person anymore. What did he seriousily think he was going to get out of that? Men, excuse me..boys..can be so confusing and mean sometimes.
15 November 2009 @ 08:30 pm
I've searched through the memories list, but I couldn't find anything specifically addressing my personal problem.
My current boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for about 3 weeks now. There was a lot of sex during the first week, but then it slowly began to decline. The reason: he revealed to me that he has a very low sex drive. It's a sensitive topic for him, and he's actually pretty embarrassing for him. He admitted that he has not always been this way, which leads me to believe that it's at least somewhat psychological in nature (he's had some interesting experiences with past relationship: girl who cheated on him twice, a control freak, a sex addict).
I told him that I never wanted him to have sex with me unless he wanted (ie: not give in just to "make me happy"), and I don't intend to go against my word on that topic. However, it really is beginning to drive me crazy because my sex drive is insanely high (especially given the fact that we're new partners) and I am always horny and he's...always not horny. I don't want to be mad with him, but sometimes I can't help but be a little frustrated.
He says that he likes to turn me on and do stuff with me, but I guess it's almost awkward just to outright ask for oral sex (not to mention the slightly "unsexy" factor). However, I understand that beggars can't be choosers, so...I'm working on getting over that.
My question is this: am I doing the right thing by letting him call the shots regarding sex? Should I encourage him to talk about it more even though he's slightly uncomfortable with the topic? I feel like I'm always treading on thin ice in this area and I have no idea how to handle myself.
My current boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for about 3 weeks now. There was a lot of sex during the first week, but then it slowly began to decline. The reason: he revealed to me that he has a very low sex drive. It's a sensitive topic for him, and he's actually pretty embarrassing for him. He admitted that he has not always been this way, which leads me to believe that it's at least somewhat psychological in nature (he's had some interesting experiences with past relationship: girl who cheated on him twice, a control freak, a sex addict).
I told him that I never wanted him to have sex with me unless he wanted (ie: not give in just to "make me happy"), and I don't intend to go against my word on that topic. However, it really is beginning to drive me crazy because my sex drive is insanely high (especially given the fact that we're new partners) and I am always horny and he's...always not horny. I don't want to be mad with him, but sometimes I can't help but be a little frustrated.
He says that he likes to turn me on and do stuff with me, but I guess it's almost awkward just to outright ask for oral sex (not to mention the slightly "unsexy" factor). However, I understand that beggars can't be choosers, so...I'm working on getting over that.
My question is this: am I doing the right thing by letting him call the shots regarding sex? Should I encourage him to talk about it more even though he's slightly uncomfortable with the topic? I feel like I'm always treading on thin ice in this area and I have no idea how to handle myself.
Current Mood: 
curious
curious15 November 2009 @ 10:53 pm
15 November 2009 @ 09:48 pm
The back of my throat and up into my nasal passage is scabbed over and all kinds of nasty. Tonight I was horking up some mucous and I felt something fly down the back of my throat. I was lucky enough to catch it before I swallowed it and I spit out this gem:
It's one of the scabs! D:
( More pictures (including my finger for a size reference) under the cut! )
It's one of the scabs! D:
( More pictures (including my finger for a size reference) under the cut! )
15 November 2009 @ 10:46 pm
my shorts smell like they've been sprayed with eau de vaginal canal.
....yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
15 November 2009 @ 09:00 pm
Mom: So Good Luck Chuck kind of sucked, huh?
Teenage daughter: Well, what did they expect? It's Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, for crying out loud! That's bad luck!
--Tomoe Sushi
Overheard by: Sromeo
16 November 2009 @ 12:43 am
15 November 2009 @ 08:34 pm
Hotel front desk!
We have a certain band staying at our hotel that is wholesome and patriotic but apparently rejected by society.
Anyway they are here with all of their roadies.
( Cut for language )
We have a certain band staying at our hotel that is wholesome and patriotic but apparently rejected by society.
Anyway they are here with all of their roadies.
( Cut for language )
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: muzack
16 November 2009 @ 03:26 am
15 November 2009 @ 06:59 pm
i was just eating this muffin that my boyfriend bought from a supermarket's bakery.
they were called "morning glory muffins."
it tasted like a carrot cake and i was enjoying it until... i bit into it once more and in the center i found not a pebble, but a BOULDER of salt inside...
just a giant random ball of salt in the center. i bit into a piece of it and it filled my mouth with the flavour of the ocean.
i spat it out into a napkin and promptly washed my mouth out with water/coffee.
they were called "morning glory muffins."
it tasted like a carrot cake and i was enjoying it until... i bit into it once more and in the center i found not a pebble, but a BOULDER of salt inside...
just a giant random ball of salt in the center. i bit into a piece of it and it filled my mouth with the flavour of the ocean.
i spat it out into a napkin and promptly washed my mouth out with water/coffee.
16 November 2009 @ 01:03 am
15 November 2009 @ 06:00 pm
4-year-old boy to father waiting in line to buy ice cream cone: I used to like chocolate, but not so much anymore. (pauses to consider) Now I think it's disgusting.
Father, shocked: That's pretty strong language!
--Bittersweet Cafe, DeKalb Ave
Overheard by: Hilariter
15 November 2009 @ 03:35 pm